After reading Diane Keaton’s memoir, Then Again, I was reminded of the power of keeping a journal. Diane’s mother wrote about her life and those she loved and it provided great perspective and solace for Diane as she reviewed and reflected on her own choices and decisions.
As we enter the New Year, we find ourselves with another opportunity to start a journal or continue writing in one. Writing, even if it is a paragraph or a single sentence a day forces us to be present and pay attention to our lives. Our reflections and memories can be a source of comfort and clarity for ourselves and even those we love.
If you have a hard time getting started, consider picking up a copy of Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird – a great guide to entering the world of words. Here’s what she said:
“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They depen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It’s like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can’t stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.”
― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life
One of the biggest stumbling blocks to good communication is the absence of context. Context is defined as a set of facts or circumstances that surround a particular event, situation or communication. At best, that information can help the listener put things in the proper perspective. It can also be a persuasive tool to influence with integrity.
I recently watched an early Ryan Gosling film called, "Half Nelson." In the film he plays an engaging and inventive teacher who also struggles with his dark side. One of the ways he decides to get his students involved in history class is by giving them random dates in history. Their job was to not only find out what happened on that day in time but to also provide context. In one minute or less, they had to describe what happened, why it was significant, the impact it had and how it influenced the future. It was amazing to listen to how the students so clearly defined and described a point in time.
This is a great exercise for all business presentations. When you think of any of your key positioning statements ("Our banking retail experience is solely focused on the customer…"). Respond to why is this significant (no one else is doing what we are doing in XXX XXX); what impact it has on the customer (in recent JD Power Surveys, our bank was rated XXX); and how you will influence the future ("we predict this trend will continue and we will remain at the front end…"). Asking yourself these questions is also helpful in determining the strength of your arguments and where you may need to fortify and/or explain.
If you are not influencing as powerfully as you’d like, consider context. Give your audience the full picture so that they can let down their defenses, open their minds, engage in the conversation, feel confident in the information and be open to you as the speaker.
I picked up the latest issue, 10/3/11, of the New Yorker today and read Atul Gawande’s article, Personal Best.
He wrote about the reality that all professionals, regardless of their field, reach a plateau at certain junctures in their career. As a surgeon, he realized, that no one had observed or critiqued one of his surgeries in over seven years. He goes on to share the power and benefits of his experience in getting feedback and perspective from outside eyes and ears.
Everyone can improve their game with a good coach.
I also appreciated his example of a great coach teaching the importance of details. Here’s a story about renowned college basketball coach, John Wooden.
First squad meeting each season, he had his players practice putting their socks on.He demonstrated.He carefully rolled each sock over his toes, up his foot, around the heel, and pulled it up snug, then went back to his toes and smoothed out the material along the sock’s length, making sure there were no wrinkles or creases.He had two purposes in doing this.First, wrinkles cause blisters.Blisters cost games.Second, he wanted his team to learn how crucial seemingly trivial details could me.“Details create success” was the creed of a coach who won ten N.C.A.A. men’s basketball championships.
Athletes, musicians, surgeons, CXOs, managers - Look for opportunities to coach and be coached – there is always something in it for you.
Moderating a panel can be a great opportunity to enhance your own visibility while managing a dynamic conversation between experts in the field. The role is one not unlike that of a orchestra conductor. You are directing, guiding and getting people to play beautiful music together. Here are a few tips to keep in mind, before, during and after the panel.
BEFORE
·Know the panelists - Research beyond their bios / Google / Know their points of view / areas of controversy
·Market and promote the panel - Publicize the “who”
·PREP the panel - Establish high-level conversation bullets so it helps the panelists to prepare and research. Suggest that they bring examples/case studies as proof points.
·Encourage debate. Spice it up. Look at the issues from many angles. Find where the points of contention are and be sure to explore.
·Have a 10-minute huddle before you begin - Have a quick meeting in person before the panel actually happens, it will only take 10 minutes. This is good bonding time and your opportunity to remind them of the general structure. Remind them to be relaxed and have fun. Listen closely for their feedback as you may be able to pick up on points they mention(“Just before we started today, Susan you mentioned….can you elaborate?”)
DURING
·Share housekeeping / panel protocol with audience(“Each speaker will have 5 minutes for an overview, followed by an open audience Q & A, and final wrap up comments…”)
·Set the stage by providing context - why now? Why this panel? Share why YOU are grateful for this opportunity because of your interest in the topic.
·First question should be a warm up. Ask for a definition, or the history of the topic, or why this topic is so interesting to you or the panelists.
·Ask about benefits and opportunities for the audience in attending today.
·Ask about risks, challenge the panel
·Model the body language you want the panelists to mirror.
·Maintain eye contact with the panelists when you ask a question, then turn to
the audience – panelist will follow your lead.
When to take control
·When panelists pitch (unless a case study)
·When conversation veers off track - your job is to gently bring it back into context. You may need to re frame a question or ask for further explanation on the topic. (consider the use of humor when this occurs – “We’d all love to hear more but we may need Dr. Phil to be present…so for now, let’s focus back on XYZ…”)
·When someone dominates - your obligation is to find an appropriate time (watch for when they breathe) and interject in a nice way. Compliment their opinion, and be sure to pass a question to the deserving panelist. (“Ken, thank you, your experience in this arena is vast – does anyone else have similar experiences to share?”)
·When audience is disruptive – Sometimes you may need to quiet audience if there are side conversations occurring.
Mix it up – Strive for Interaction
Listen and watch the body language of the panelists. Are there non-verbal indicators that are telling you someone needs to get a word in or the audience’s attention is waning or panel disagreement is making some uncomfortable.
Encourage panelists talk to each other - Don’t over structure. Avoid a moderator question and response pattern alone, allow for some healthy banter between the panelists, and let them interact, jest and challenge each other.
Silence can be golden - Your ultimate aim is to create the space for good dialogue.
Managing Audience Q & A
1.Prep audience expectation by sharing how much time there will be for Q & A.
2.Share protocol – Ask audience to state their name, and make sure the question is a question .
3.Provide index cards at the table for audience members to jot down questions as they occur. Often this provides an opportunity for those reluctant to voice a question on their own.
4.Always repeat the question from the audience, so everyone can hear and it’ll get on any recordings.
5.Summarize long-winded questions from the audience. (What I heard you say is…”How can we best work together to solve this issue?” Do I have that right?)
6.Don’t let one zealous audience member dominate the session by asking too many questions. Sometime just looking in the opposite direction for a question can help.
7.When you run out of time – suggest that some discussion can be pursued after the event.
8.Encourage panelists to question each other can add an interesting dynamic.
9.Prepare secondary questions in case no one asks questions.
10. Consider a light-hearted /topical question as a wrap-up (Sox or Cubs? etc.)
AFTER
The Wrap-Up
Thank the panel and the audience
Summarize key ideas
Share where audience can contact panelists for more information
Create online blogs, wikis or forums to continue the conversation
Drew Westen is a professor of psychology at Emory University and the author of “The Political Brain: The Role of Emotion in Deciding the Fate of the Nation.”
IT was a blustery day in Washington on Jan. 20, 2009, as it often seems to be on the day of a presidential inauguration. As I stood with my 8-year-old daughter, watching the president deliver his inaugural address, I had a feeling of unease. It wasn’t just that the man who could be so eloquent had seemingly chosen not to be on this auspicious occasion, although that turned out to be a troubling harbinger of things to come. It was that there was a story the American people were waiting to hear — and needed to hear — but he didn’t tell it. And in the ensuing months he continued not to tell it, no matter how outrageous the slings and arrows his opponents threw at him.
The stories our leaders tell us matter, probably almost as much as the stories our parents tell us as children, because they orient us to what is, what could be, and what should be; to the worldviews they hold and to the values they hold sacred. Our brains evolved to “expect” stories with a particular structure, with protagonists and villains, a hill to be climbed or a battle to be fought. Our species existed for more than 100,000 years before the earliest signs of literacy, and another 5,000 years would pass before the majority of humans would know how to read and write.
Stories were the primary way our ancestors transmitted knowledge and values. Today we seek movies, novels and “news stories” that put the events of the day in a form that our brains evolved to find compelling and memorable. Children crave bedtime stories; the holy books of the three great monotheistic religions are written in parables; and as research in cognitive science has shown, lawyers whose closing arguments tell a story win jury trials against their legal adversaries who just lay out “the facts of the case.”
When Barack Obama rose to the lectern on Inauguration Day, the nation was in tatters. Americans were scared and angry. The economy was spinning in reverse. Three-quarters of a million people lost their jobs that month. Many had lost their homes, and with them the only nest eggs they had. Even the usually impervious upper middle class had seen a decade of stagnant or declining investment, with the stock market dropping in value with no end in sight. Hope was as scarce as credit.
In that context, Americans needed their president to tell them a story that made sense of what they had just been through, what caused it, and how it was going to end. They needed to hear that he understood what they were feeling, that he would track down those responsible for their pain and suffering, and that he would restore order and safety. What they were waiting for, in broad strokes, was a story something like this:
“I know you’re scared and angry. Many of you have lost your jobs, your homes, your hope. This was a disaster, but it was not a natural disaster. It was made by Wall Street gamblers who speculated with your lives and futures. It was made by conservative extremists who told us that if we just eliminated regulations and rewarded greed and recklessness, it would all work out. But it didn’t work out. And it didn’t work out 80 years ago, when the same people sold our grandparents the same bill of goods, with the same results. But we learned something from our grandparents about how to fix it, and we will draw on their wisdom. We will restore business confidence the old-fashioned way: by putting money back in the pockets of working Americans by putting them back to work, and by restoring integrity to our financial markets and demanding it of those who want to run them. I can’t promise that we won’t make mistakes along the way. But I can promise you that they will be honest mistakes, and that your government has your back again.”
Whether you are a politician or business leader – the value of leverages that power or story and transparent communication is essential.
Last evening I ran into my neighbor, Dan, after we had both parked our cars in our respective garages and were making our way through our backyards to the house. Being the friendly neighbor that I aspire to be, I said to Dan, “Hey, how was your day?” He looked at me and said with a straight face, “Well, I’ve been on quite a transformative journey! I have shifted many of my paradigms, increased my intellectual bandwidth, clarified my understanding of our company’s vision and I’m fully engaged and on-board! After a second or two trying to determine if he was for real, we bought started to laugh.
He went on to describe how he began his day thinking he had walked into a Dilbert comic strip. His work team had been pulled together to review their processes and practices to determine how they impact the customer’s experience. Their focus together (it was the start of a three day retreat) was to re-invent the way they served their customers.
Dan went on to tell me – all kidding aside – that the day had been very productive and eye-opening and he thought the work they were doing together was not only important but was also energizing. The only thing that got in the way, he said, was the facilitator’s excessive use of jargon. He said there were grins and smirks and a few rolling eyes as the session started and it wasn’t until they were a few hours in were they able to overlook the corporate-speak and begin to find value in the process.
Are you guilty? Am I? Likely we all are to some extent. I believe that business jargon can serve a purpose. At best it is communication shorthand (for those who speak the same language) to convey larger concepts, issues or problems. For instance, saying that a certain initiative is “mission-critical” is an abbreviated way of saying “focus on the XYZ project immediately because if we don’t accomplish this well, the future of our organization is in jeopardy.” At worst, if over-used, it becomes white noise and no one pays attention. AND, as in Dan’s case, that overuse can be a distraction and a turn-off.
"“Corporate speak” is the gobbledygook that slows down progress and understanding in companies across the world. This problem is not just limited to large corporations; it also runs rampant among small businesses, entrepreneurs and lawyers. It is often a symptom of your environment. Could you imagine telling a loved one about the synergies of red wine complementing the innovative marinade on your steak dinner, not to mention having the bandwidth to sit down and commiserate with your counterpart? If you did…you’d often be eating alone.
So let’s make a resolution to ban corporate speak in 2011. But how? Here are three questions to ask yourself when successfully merging action-oriented planning steps to directives…I mean…when you actually write something:
1.Who is my audience? Yes, your audience may use corporate speak. However, your message may be more effective by avoiding corporate speak in such an environment. Go through your writing and identify any words that your loved ones won’t understand. This doesn’t work in technical documents, but it will in 99% of everything else. If you can use plain, short language in a land of corporate speak you’ll be amazed at the response.
2.Why am I using that word or sentence? Many people use corporate speak because it makes them sound smarter. Most people assume “sounding professional” is the same as “sounding smart.” It’s not. Let your intelligence shine through your ideas. People often use complicated sounding words simply to sound intelligent. Don’t be that guy (or girl)!
Less is more. People seem to think that the longer something is, the more intelligent or important it is. This is especially important in email. Many people glance over long emails. Can your entire point be summed up in three regular sentences? I bet it can. Try it and watch how soon you’ll be able to sum up everything in one single sentence."
Imbedded in Jim’s challenge is the central idea to think before you speak (or write). Recognize that what might be a pedestrian habit to you is akin to nails scrapping a blackboard to another. Notice that what you view as an expedient way of communicating may be perceived as lazy or pretentious.
Dan told me that while the speaker ultimately proved his value, the time wasted at the session’s start could have been eliminated if the speaker focused on building rapport with the audience in a more authentic way. If he took time to ask himself – what language should I use to engage this audience? Are there phrases and expressions I typically use that might be foreign or even offensive to this group? Is there a way to share with my audience why I use the words I use? For instance, if you favor terms like “journey” and “transformation” let the audience in on it. Say, “You will hear me today refer to this endeavor as a journey…I use that word for a very specific reason and let me share why…”
The words we use shape the relationships we have and the experiences we create. Take the extra step to ensure the words you use have meaning not only for our audiences but for yourself as well.
I have always been a believer in the concept that each of us needs our own personal board of directors – a group of people we can pull together four times a year to share where we are, our strategies for what is ahead and receive candid feedback and guidance.
In her talk at the Executives Club in Chicago,"Building a Personal Board– Powerful Relationships that Last" Carol Bernick, Executive Chairman of the Board, Alberto Culver Company, outlined her strategies for building a Personal Board:
The smartest people I know ask for help. Ask for help and seek advice from all facets of your life – work, family community. Out of all of the people that you know, ask yourself who can help and who really cares? With that, be very selective as you build your posse
I have a core posse made up of family, girlfriends and 10-12 business executives I can call on any time I need to test an idea.
The key elements that make a person a contributor as a personal director are strength, smarts and a illingness to push back when needed.
Take advantage of every opportunity to look for a new director: your corporate board work, not- for-profit boards, speakers or participants at industry events who impress you with their insights and a genuine openness. Be thoughtful and make the connection. This isn’t for a list of Facebook friends. This is a circle who will really care about you.
An important part of your life today is probably giving back to your community with sweat equity, dollars, your insights and passion. I have found the people I’ve met through this kind of shared commitment to be an invaluable resource in helping me address all kinds of issues.
Next, in her presentation, “Key Traits to Look for When Putting Together your ‘Personal Board’”Christy Carpenter, Executive Vice President & Chief Operating Officer, The Paley Center for Media, offered these tips:
It is essential to have a core group of friends and professional acquaintances who will give me the straight scoop as well as the encouragement and emotional support I need. Because of the informality of my group, I feel more comfortable thinking of them as my “kitchen cabinet” than a board.
When it comes to our professional lives, I do think there is real value in consciously developing a group of advisors who extend beyond our close friends, who you feel comfortable calling on as issues and important decisions arise. My experience suggests making sure this group offers some key traits and expertise.
First, you want people you trust have your best interests at heart and with whom you’re comfortable. If you don’t feel safe to let your hair down, you may not get advice that’s truly on target. Trust is essential.
Secondly, they should also be people who will give you honest feedback and not simply tell you what you want to hear. Feedback, whether negative or positive, will flow more freely and be easier to receive if it comes from people who know you and care about you.
Thirdly, you want a range of expertise and perspective. Don’t only pick people who mirror your own background, skill set, and life experience. Make sure they have the expertise that you lack.
Fourthly, by all means include people who think big and who will push you to reach for more than you might imagine possible. Women are often more likely to doubt themselves than men. We need to make sure we get the jolt we need if we’re wallowing in self-doubt or thinking small in terms of our careers and our potential impact on the world.
Other people sometimes see us more clearly than we see ourselves. It’s really helpful to get feedback – some of which may point out weaknesses, of course – but we also need feedback and inspiration that gets us to open up, to dream, and to take action to manifest a bigger role for ourselves. We all need to make sure that we’re aligning with our passions even if it’s a leap to get there. So find at least one person inclined to push you to be bolder. Someone who really believes in you and is inclined to ask, “why not?”
And lastly, in considering your board, I’ve found it helpful to reflect on those one or two people who have had the biggest impact on us and whose voices we can hear in our heads from time to time, even if they are no longer living. For me – and many people – our mothers spring to mind. Perhaps for you, it was your father, or a grandparent. But regardless, it’s helpful to reflect a little on the foundational messages that were imprinted in our heads during childhood and follow us through our lives as we make key decisions and deal with life’s constant challenges. They may occupy a seat even if you’re not conscious of them – an invisible seat. So why not bring them into the circle?
Thank you to the Executives Club for these great presentations and much appreciation to Ms. Bernick and Ms. Carpenter for their guidance!
Sitting down for an interview with the media assumes a few things: You are prepared, you’ve done your homework, you know about the reporter and the publication… All of these elements are important but once you begin keep in mind the following:
Be Bold: Know what your headline is and make it bold. "Early childhood education is the single most important element in closing the achievement gap." "Talent drives strategy, strategy does not drive talent."
Bundle: There is the "magic of three." Bundling key ideas in a group of three makes your message memorable and makes you easier to quote. "We believe in the power of sales, service and support." "Our customers value our quality, convenience and cozy atmosphere."
Bridge: You will be challenged in an interview. You will be encouraged to enter into controversial topics. Don’t resist or become defensive, instead accept what is thrown at you and bridge to what is most important. "I appreciate that you’d like to focus on our numbers for the quarter but what is likely more valuable to your listeners, is what is happening overall in the market."
Bounce: A great interview is one that displays energy and builds momntum. Gaining control of an interview is not only about your verbal acuity it is also about your personal energy. Look attentive, lean forward, listen intently, and be expressive. Your enthusiasm will translate into credibility, conviction and commitment.
How many of your customers have over 5000 followers on Linked-in, Facebook or Tweeter? So, instead of telling five people about their service hiccup with you, they can now instantly tell a thousand times that number! It would not take many unhappy customers to cut a sizeable dent in your bottom line and brand reputation. With customer expectations up 33% over this time last year, you are very vulnerable to a today’s wired and potentially dangerous customers.
Wired and Dangerous: How Your Customers Have Changed and What to do about it is a must-read for anyone with customers in this cyber age. Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh raved about this book; Lou Dobbs declared it “an irresistible page turnings look at today’s empowered customer.” I am happy to recommend this new book written by my friends Chip Bell and John Paterson. Count on it giving you a whole new look at how to serve today’s new normal customer in today’s not-so-normal world.
It has happened to all of us. We are introduced to a professional colleague who piques our interest. Maybe they are pursuing a line of business that intrigues us…maybe they have a body of expertise we want to know more about…perhaps we simply want to know how they got to where they are. Knowing how to approach that individual in a respectful and focused way is key to building a relationship.
I have experienced, myself, individuals seeking me out for advice and input. I am always happy to volunteer my time to support a colleague AND too often I find that the approach can be fine-tuned to avoid awkward, unfocused conversations that tend burn bridges rather than build them.
My suggestion is to follow this protocol:
Email the professional colleague first and remind them of where and how you met.
Make a specific ask.
Offer to take them to lunch or for a coffee OR request a time-bound phone call.
Follow-up with a thank you card or gesture.
The initial request might go something like this:
Sandra, I met you at last evening’s XXX networking event. I was delighted that Bob Jones introduced us. I have long admired your success and would welcome the opportunity to take you out to lunch or for a coffee. I have one very specific area of interest that I would love your feedback on – Serving on a Board. I am at a place in my career where I believe it is time to pursue a board placement and because you have served on so many boards – I know I could learn from you and would greatly appreciate your guidance.
Let me know if in the next month or so your schedule would allow me to take you to lunch or a coffee. If for any reason your schedule is too full at this time, I would appreciate a 20 minute phone chat and I promise to honor that time period.
Thanks so much….
I have found overtime, that this kind of respectful and focused "ask" reaps affirmative responses and it positions you as a true professional.
